Ten Things You Can Stop Apologizing for at Work

Dear friends,

At some point, we learned that having needs, preferences and a life outside work requires an apology.

We apologize for leaving jobs. We apologize for wanting more money. We apologize for gaps in our resumes, for taking vacation and for saying no.

We even apologize for things that happened to us.

“I’m sorry, but I was laid off.”

Why are you sorry?

You didn’t commit a misdemeanor.

Here are ten things you can stop apologizing for right now.

1A gap in your resume

You are allowed to have periods in your life when you aren’t working for an employer.

You might have been caring for someone, raising children, recovering from burnout, looking for the right job, traveling, studying, consulting, writing a screenplay or sitting on your porch figuring out what you wanted to do next.

You don’t have to prove that every month of your adult life was productive enough to satisfy a stranger.

2Leaving a job quickly

Sometimes you take a job and realize you made a mistake.

Sometimes the job changes dramatically after you arrive. Sometimes the culture is awful. Sometimes your boss is impossible. Sometimes another opportunity comes along.

You’re allowed to leave.

Taking a job is not a vow of eternal fidelity.

3Taking a lower-level job

There is no rule that says your career has to move relentlessly upward until you retire.

You can take a less demanding job. You can change industries. You can trade status for flexibility. You can decide that you’ve managed enough people for one lifetime.

Your career belongs to you.

4Changing careers

You’re allowed to discover that something you chose at 22, 32 or 42 isn’t what you want to do anymore.

That isn’t failure.

It’s new information.

5Not wanting to be a manager

“I know I should probably want to move into management…”

Why?

Managing people is one kind of work. It isn’t the prize you receive for being good at something else.

You can become more experienced, more valuable and better paid without wanting to supervise anybody.

6Wanting more money

This one is especially strange.

Companies are allowed to want higher revenue, bigger margins and lower costs. Nobody expects the CEO to say, “I feel terrible bringing this up, but we’d really like to increase profits this year.”

You work for money.

You are allowed to want more of it.

7Using your vacation time

Your vacation time is part of your compensation.

You don’t have to apologize for taking it, explain why you need it or prove that your plans are important enough to justify being away.

“I’m taking next week off” is a complete sentence.

8Saying no to work you can’t absorb

There are only so many hours in a day.

If you already have more work than you can reasonably accomplish, taking on another project doesn’t magically create additional hours.

You can say, “I can take that on. Which of my current priorities should move?”

That isn’t insubordination.

It’s arithmetic.

9Leaving a job that makes you miserable

You don’t need a courtroom-ready case for leaving a job.

Your boss doesn’t have to be a monster. The company doesn’t have to be evil. Nothing catastrophic has to happen.

“This isn’t working for me anymore” is enough.

10Wanting your job to be one part of your life

This may be the biggest one.

You are allowed to care about your work without making it the organizing principle of your life.

You can care about your family, your friends, your garden, your band, your neighborhood, your dog, your softball team, your novel, your volunteer work, your health, your afternoon walk or absolutely nothing productive whatsoever.

A job is an economic relationship.

It can also be interesting, meaningful, creative, challenging and fun.

But it doesn’t get to swallow everything else.

We’ve spent decades teaching working people to explain themselves.

You don’t have to live your life on the defensive.

And you can stop apologizing for all of it.